Quintessential Uttar Pradesh - Haasil

28 states and a supply chain type working of Bollywood production houses ensures the fact that at some point in time, movies are bound to be dedicated to a certain state.  The “bhaiyaas” of UP have been a perennial subject feeding the pipeline and producing movies like Omkara, Main Meri Patni aur Wo and some trashy ones like Tashan. But if I’ am asked to single out one I’d (without batting an eyelid) say Haasil.

With an IMDB rating of 7.7 this movie owes it’s 6 (out of 7.7) to Irfan Khan. It was the favorite “Wing-Film” in the hostel (competing with Gunda, neck-to-neck) and its dialogues were thrown about in the mess to completely unaware people who stared at us blankly. Here’s the CD, go watch it.

It opens up on the terrace of the Allahabad University with the goons of Gauri Shankar chasing Ranvijay Singh.  Our lady (Niharika) makes an entry for an unapparent reason and Ranvijay borrows her hair-band for making a desi-bomb. Now the dialoguebaazi that ensues went down in the history of our hostel wing. Ranvijay is caught and bashed up, but not before he has used the bomb and reduced one guy to tears. 

"रणविजय आज जो है तुम्हारी कहानी है ख़तम"

"पंडित, तुमसे गोली वोली न चली, मंतर फूँक के मार दो, और तू चिल्ला का रहा है बे, एक और बम बनाये का ?"

And then enters Gauri Shankar, the current university president. 

"अरे ओ निशानची, हम आ रहे है हम, गौरी शंकर, तोहरे बाप" 

He props Ranvijay up from the floor and sometimes I use the same dialogue to wake up my flat-mate in the morning.

"चलिए उठिए, हाँ, क्या दामाद बने पड़े है यहाँ, हा चलिए"  

I have never been to a state university but growing up in Lucknow, I can vouch for the fact that the nail was being driven right into the head.

The next scene is a dilapidated cinema hall which is a hangout for Ranvijay’s gang. They are watching a scene from the movie Nayak where bullock carts are being blown up. Their level of IQ is revealed when they discuss the funda of "बम्बैया बकैती" "माडर्न सोसाइटी" until Ranvijay enters to discuss their war-plan against Gauri Shankar. When advised to run away as everyone is on his look out Ranvijay retorts 

"काहे भाग जाए बे !! मारे लप्पड़ तोहरी बुद्दी खुल जाए. फौज ज़्यादा है तो भाग जाए. वोह सरकारी गुंडे है, हम क्रांतिकारी है. गोर्रिल्ला वार किया जाएगा. गोर्रिल्ला वोर्रिल्ला जानते हो की नहीं " 

And then everyone explains his knowledge of Gorrilla warfare. One even goes onto say that he resembles one.

Aniruddh (our hero) is practicing Hamlet on the stage when he meets Ranvivay and he becomes a fan of his धाकड़ acting.  

Gauri’s younger brother, Badri, who is contesting the University elections confronts NIharika and says, possibly, the funniest lines of the movie. That too in English.

“I’ am Badri Shankar. Younger brother of carrant prreshident of Ooniversity. You gibhe me vote and I can gibhe you ……… Claash on time, eggjamination on time. Neat and clean Ooniversity” 

One of the best scenes in the film is when Anni and his dad go to a garment store and his dad insists on buying the same “check” cloth for both him and his son. Ranvijay who is meanwhile taking refuge on the first-floor of the shop summons Anni to meet his gang. 

"यह अनिरुद्ध है. कौन है ?" "बहुत जबर एक्टिंग करता है. इसकी एक्टिंग देखोगे न तो तुम्हारी ................ हालत ख़राब हो जाएगी" 

And then one “nouveau -urban” guys in his gang bears the brunt of humiliation.

"यार तुम इसको सिखायो. टोपी शोपी ! आए हाय मेरे राज्जा ! टोपी पेहेन्ने से नहीं होता." Ranvijay asks Anni to have a beer so that he’ll be ठंडा ठंडा all day. But then his dad comes up and Ranvijay introduces everyone around as Anni’s college-mate, even though their appearances deceive it.

"यह तौफिक है. BSc की BA बे ? " Taufiq looks down, takes hi cap off and disappointedly says "BSc कहाँ ! BA "

Meanwhile elections approach and also in a parallel story line, love is blossoming between Anni and Niharika, who is supposedly the only good looking girl in the entire university. Ranvijay finds it out and laments about the fact he does not have a love in his life. 

"नज़र का ही तो खेल है. दिल तो साला हमारा भी साफ़ है" 

But he helps Anni out by finding a place for them to meet secretly.

Gauri Shankar pissed off by the antics of Ranvijay, sends out goons to kill people in Ranvijay’s village. The Chief-Minister surveys the scene of tragedy and then, to display the irony of law-and-order in UP, gives a ride home to Gauri Shankar and his men in his white-red-light ambassador. A policeman who tries to see what is going on is reprimanded. 

"आप ज़्यादा phantom ना बनिए. सर सर करेंगे. डांट दिए जाएंगे. " 

Ranvijay hits the roof on getting this news and pledges to finish off Gauri Shankar on the thirteenth day of mourning. And that he does. He also wipes off the confederates of Badri, who loses the election after his brother’s death but spares Jackson, whom he plants in Badri’s team to provide insider information. Now Ranvijay shifs focus to Anni and Niharika who are secretly dating but what Anni does not know is that Ranvijay also likes Niharika and wants to get him out of the way. Damn the girl again!! He leaks information of the dating venue to Niharika’s family and her brothers promptly bash up Anni. Now Ranvijay instigates Anni is one of the ‘motivational’ scenes of the movie to go and seek his revenge. 

"लड़की के सामने मार खा जाने से लड़की को लगता है की लड़का प्यार तो करता है पर सुरक्षा नहीं दे सकता" "बाप को तो छोड़ दो पर भाइयों से हिसाब बराबर कर लो" Hands him a gun. "यह लो. बस दिखाना. फट जाएगी. दौड़ा दौड़ा के मारना" 

Anni, in the heat of the moment, lets out a shot and hurts a guy. Police try to hunt him down and Ranvijay helps him elope to Mumbai where we are introduced to another character, Chutkku, who is a total nut-case but manages to conk out Anni. Ranvijay meanwhile plays his cards and convinces Niharika’s dad for his wedding with her. Asshole !

Annis wakes up in Mumbai two days later and promptly rushes back to Allahabad where he realizes what Ranvijay’s plan actually are. He manages to elope with Niharika and takes shelter with Badri, who believes in “a foe of a foe is a friend”. Meanwhile Ranvijay who has secured a sensitive tape of the Chief Minister, blackmails and admonishes him (by hitting him with a slipper!!! A CM being hit by a slipper !!!) to force Badri to hand over the girl  to him. The deal is set for the next day at Kumbh Mela where gun-fire ensues and everyone except for Anni and Niharika is killed. Ranvijay is shot by Anni himself. The CM brushes off all the charges and the couple is free !! 

What a movie ! After coming to Austin, I miss speaking and listening to Hindi a lot and especially the tone of the typical UP Hindi.  Where else, but this film, can I listed to the distilled version of the “Bhaiya” hindi and it is one of the reasons I love this film and also because of Irfan Khan who has done a stupendous role as Ranvijay. 

"भइया धाकाद पिक्चर है. ज़रूर देखना. समझे ! "